Monday, 21 November 2011


I had been waiting for this moment for seven years now and after five long dull years I returned to Nepal to marry her and live a happy life with her. I'm very anxious, excited. I'm looking for her.
"Kati padandaas bhaeko ho ni!" (How bookworm you have been). Must I take tuition classes from you?" These were the first mocking words she spoke to me. It was my first day in school and was the first time I saw her. In deed, I've to say it was love at first sight. I could never ever recollect having seen such a beautiful face beforehand. She appeared to be more beautiful than Miss World and Indian actress, Aisharya Rai. For the first time I felt what love is, my heart pounced beyond my control. I was the new face to whole class eight and the school, but for me, her face stuck permanently in my mind, the face that really had the magical and spellbinding power to wonder, marvell me, the face that came into my mind as a vision, a preoccupation. I didn't know how she became my shadow and entered my consciousness.
Fortunately, she was one of the close friends of my next-door friend. And for that reason she grew little closer to me than with the rest. "O! Dear I should keep up my patience, pluck up courage and need to look perfect in every inch of me." Soon I'm going to meet with my beloved. May God help me, my legs are shivering, and I'm feeling nervous."
On account of her presence, my school time seemed to be more enjoyable, hilarious than ever before. It was out of question for me to pass the weekends and vacations. I hated often holidays which a few days before were something I used to long for. Whilst I was home, one minute stay without seeing her seemed no less than a decade. Sprouting leaves on trees were welcoming spring, chill mornings, mist, were waving goodbye, every thing was changing and the changes were unexpected. I, myself, was bewildered, amazed if it was taking place in my real life or was daydreaming. A fun-making, poor fellow who once used to dispute in regard to love affairs, marriage proposals has metamorphosised into a forlorn dude. All the changes marveled me, for they were beyond my expectations.
It is 3pm in the afternoon and it has been half and hour since the garage staff started servicing my car. "A Black suit--perfect, expensive, hairstyle--a bit spiky, latest mobile in the pocket, some US dollars and a Green Card in the wallet--made in USA. I hope, my neighbours, childhood friends will be jealous of my life, career. I'm really excited to be among them. It takes only an hour walk distance to reach my home from here.
I found her the prettiest being in the universe. Perhaps God worked hard to create her. Frankly speaking, at first sight, I wished to make her my life partner. A number of times I endeavoured to speak my mind but it was merely a vain attempt, I turned dumb, became cowardly. In fact, her habit of being among friends never game any chances to read her mind, talk in solitary. Moreover, I was not handsome, so sometimes I abused my creator, God. This is what made me repress my feelings to share with her, albeit my friends insisted I propose to her.
I befriend her neighbourhood age mates with intention of collecting information as to her. She was pretty, intelligent, caring, smart, cool, a bit introvert and if I portray her more, you would think I've blown my girlfriend's trumpet. Her glowing and charming face with majestic beauty and sweet voice, could, had she tried, have allured any boys. But she never showed interests in any other boys not other than me.
I can still vividly remember it was the morning time; it was drizzling in spite of wedding season. All of my family members were busy in our near relative one's marriage occasion. My most loveable person, mother asked me to accompany the bridegroom. I was upset. I had already got accustomed to seeing her face. I was, really, in dilemma as to follow my mother's instruction or see her as usual. I weighed my mother's parental affection and my would be life partner on scales. I could not justify. I was unable to resist her image in my mind. Anyway, I got chance to go to school on false pretence. For the sake of her, I lied to my mother. I had dedicated my life to her.
I used to come first in each exam, so her friends always sang my praises in her presence. It obviously might have made her turn her mind to me. I always think of impressing and attracting girls by virtue of inward beauties like skills, honesty, talents etiquettes and so on as I am not good looking young man. I was incredibly improving; I came again first in the second terminal exams. In the same year I was awarded a trophy for the best footballer of the school. Now, every thing was on right track ad it came as no surprise for me that she led those positive changes in me. It is said that love is so powerful that can bring a change drastically in someone's life, so is mine. Thanks for changing my mode of life.
Luxurious gadgets like cell phone, i-pods were not as common on those days as they are at present. There was no means of communication between us aside from hand written letters. We didn't have access to Yahoo! G-mail or Facebook chats. Only the school was the place where we could sit together and get connected as a dating spot.
"My car is serviced. Now, I'm heading for home. Mom is waiting for me to welcome. I want to wipe off her memories. May be she has already married instead of waiting me. O! God, I try but can't --she appear wherever I let my eyes wander. Her image is haunting me. Why? My car is speeding up. I am uncontrolled as if I am drunk. I should slow down otherwise it may crash into something. Oh, it's already 4 pm. School time is over. A few schoolchildren are walking ahead. I sound horns. Hey, hey...Damn care my car nearly knocked a schoolgirl down. "Don't you have eyes?" shouted a pedestrian. I stopped my car. Due to fear, she lay unconscious. Now she is in a hospital. She is regaining her conscious slowly.
"Naanu, are you okay?"
"Little bit! Where am I right now? Where is my mummy?" she asked.
"Where is your mom?"
"She is home."
"Do you remember her mobile no?"
"No, but my school identification card has details of me."
I took the card and I was shocked as I spotted her mother's name, Pramila. "What a coincidence! Who I was thinking of is also Pramila. My sweetheart.
I dialed her numbers **********
There is problem in network. It's Nepal. Damn! I tried again. "Sorry, your phone could not reach because of network error!'
I tried twice. "Yes, her phone is ringing."
"Hullo, Pramila speaking."
I was stuck. I was speechless.
"Hello, hello, may I know you sir, please? Hello, why don't you respond to me? Is there anything wrong? Do you hear me? "Hello…..."
I didn't dare to speak to her. She was my Pramila. "Oh! God!. How merciless you are. I wanna die, I am gonna hell! Kill me. I don't want to survive, never."
I am really unclucky. I earned degree, made money in U.S. but I missed her. Why God separated us though I loved her truly. May be her love was only dramatic. I dedicated and sacrificed my life to her. This is what I had expected from her?
I can't live without her for any moments….I can't….It is very painful.

* This is an overnight work. This fiction has been written in dedication to my best friend, colleague Subhash Thapa Magar who always inspires, boosts me to put my feelings into words. I always express my gratitude to him. The fiction written above is partly true story and carries some resemblances of us. In case it goes to resemble with someone's real incident, it will be an only coincidence!
Amar Limbu (The Editor)

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