I have almost all the habits that the society claims it wrong; I usually got drunk, smoked and also drugs. In a pretty small age, I have almost all the habits to lead my life to darkness. “All our society can do is claim us wrong”, that’s what I thought, having a less maturity level and effects of adolescence going on. I used to be advised but I never cared or being more precise, I did not want to care “I suffered a lot! I can’t handle it anymore” I said myself almost every night and then blew all the sufferings away by just getting drunk, having a puff of smoke or dose of drugs.
Then came one night, that changed everything. On a rainy day around 8 pm I got in my car to reach towards a club. There was a celebration going on and for me one more excuse of getting drunk. So, I got drunk, more than usual and more than I could bear. Then around 11pm I left the club and got in the car. While trying to keep the key in the ignition, my hand trembled I thought “Would I be able to make it home?” I puffed that thought away and feeling better I started the car. Since the road was almost empty and also slippery due to the mist rain, I drove at a high speed. During this drive different thing started coming to my mind, I started remembering my old days when my life changed from a beautiful dream to a worst nightmare.
I always used to be cheerful girl, I was happy in my world. I felt that I had everything, a perfect life: A family who loved and cared me and a best friend who was more like a sister. It was more definitely a world where only happiness existed. But soon everything started changing, was I the one changing or the others I never knew? I started getting less attention, less time. My best friend without whom my life used to be impossible to imagine started going away from me. We knew each other for about 2 years, since then we always were together, we went to one another’s home, shared our feelings, problems. There was nothing that could affect our friendship. We just would wake up till 12 just to wish each other new year, Christmas or birthday. Everything changed; everyone stopped caring about me or even worse stopped talking to me. With my best friend I could feel an unknown wall separating us. We talked less often; slowly we stopped talking and giggling all around. The conversation would last for the least of the time when once it used to last for hours. I tried not to think about it, but couldn’t help it. Just going in the way of unnecessary depression feeling, I then started smoking, it relaxed me. Slowly towards drinking and to get into drugs was no big deal.
A horn from another car distracted my thought, after then I again got lost to the train of my memories.
I could now feel the pain of loneliness, feel of pain how a good girl changed up being a bad girl. I never chose to be one; I had some dreams some aspirations which were all locked by my depression. Just to hide my loneliness I put on a mask of arrogance. I tried to prove others that nothing bothered me, but in reality I wasn’t even able to prove it to myself. I still woke up late night just wishing that she would call once in our special occasion. I missed the every night gathering around the dining table and roar of laughter echoing around the house. It hurts me a lot. With all those pain and agony tears filled up my eyes and I accelerated the speed. Soon enough I saw a truck coming so sudden. I didn’t know what to do; I was so drunk that I no longer could handle the steering wheel.
With a loud thud the car crashed on a tree; while I tried getting out, the smashed glasses cut me all over, my head banged so hard that the pain was unbearable. I now lay in the pool of blood, little droplets of rain falling on my face. The next moment people started screaming then I was rushed to the hospital. I was pretty sure that no one was coming that moment, “Everyone are enjoying their celebration, who’s going to bother coming” I felt. After I reached the hospital I was rushed towards the Operation Theatre, having lost a lot of my blood, doctors were finding it difficult to operate me with no sufficient blood of my group. To reduce my pain I was given pain killer then I did not realize when I felt asleep.
Later when I woke up, I was broken; I saw my parents crying. I thought my mom must have been crying for so long, her eyes were extremely red. The thing that hurt me a lot is seeing tears in my dad’s eyes. I also thought that my dad was the strongest person I knew, having seen tears in his eyes and the reason was me. That hurt me the most. I saw my best friend standing beside me saying with tears rolling down, “Enough od Drama! Now wake up and let’s go and gossip and talk all day long.” Then the tears I could not hold it anymore. Then they were forced to stay out because my health was deteriorating.
My heart pained the most that time; doctors were giving me pain killers to help me resist my pain, but the interior pain was unbearable. My parents cried a lot looking at my condition, but I consoled them not to cry. I always had listened to what I feel and reacted according not aware about the reality at all. My parents were giving me less time because they wanted my dream to be a cardiologist to be fulfilled; studying cardiology is not such an easy task, its takes a lot of hard work and finance. My best friend thought I was degrading in studies due to her company and she forcefully had to leave my side. Due to my immature thinking and irrational action I ruined everything.
I apologized but I knew it was already too late. My face was getting sallower and sallower and today all I felt was that I want to live. That entire worried look, my mom’s continuous praying for a miracle, my dad assuring me nothing would happen with tear drops escaping his eyes and my best friend grabbing my hand and sobbing unconsciously. Today I felt my foolishness and immature thinking ruined everything.
Now, I was counting my last breath. I now tried to smile with tears drops rolling all around. Then I said, “I am sorry, I gave you all lots of troubles. But I always and will always love you all.” I now looked towards my best friend and said,” My parents always considered you as their daughter, do me a favor! Look after my parents since I no longer can. ” with this my eyes closed forever, leaving all the people around in agony and unlimited pain. I could do nothing; I could not lift my hand anymore and wipe their tears. I was now forever gone, even if I wanted to live.