It’s been 10 years; I haven’t met her even once. When I saw her with no any reason at all so sudden, I could hardly believe my eyes. She turned so bounded housewife. I then plunged into those memories that I tried to erase but couldn’t succeed.
The day was so bright, beautiful and charming when I first asked her for a date. It hadn’t been so long being friends but we were close enough to ask her a favour. It was my very first day for a date and she Okayed with no any sign of hesitation. What fascinated me towards her I never tried to probe it. I was just driven crazy to her with no reason at all. She was not even a beauty of my class nor was I.
The day we went out for the first time was a park bit away from the hustle and bustle of the city. Whether the day was glowing or I was with her alone I couldn’t stop admiring the beauty of nature myself. We were talking so closely as if we were well known for many years. I was determined that day, I would express her. My little inexperienced mind triggered me; that’s the opportunity to disclose her how much I love her and want to live rest of my life happily forever with her . I thought she wouldn’t have come or have denied my proposal for a day visit, if she didn’t have any feeling towards me. I was searching for the apt timing and a topic to express her.
We started in the morning. We talked about trees, about plants, about birds and the beautiful flowers. Morning broke into the bright day. Day turned into a beautiful evening. We passed our childish days and memories but the rose in my heart was still left to bloom and finally dusk made its merciless entrance but still I was wondering what to say. The time had come to say good bye but I was still searching for the words.
I got some guts out of nowhere but still my heart was pounding so rigorously. When it was exactly the time to say bye, words suddenly slipped from my lips: “I… lo..ve… you”. Instantly I pretended as though I was murmuring. She turned her face, filled with exclamation and terror. She replied, “What?” I thought she didn’t get it and suddenly I burst without a second delay “nothing”. She gazed me with a peculiar eyes, breathed a deep sigh and raised her hands to greet me bye. It seems she was thanking me for the day break.
From that day she didn’t show up next time. She had written a letter for me but didn’t have any courage to face me. Finally I got the letter from her friend. The letter explained her heart, her feelings and everything. She was from an orthodox religious family where her religion did matter rather then her feelings. Her community was different from my community and I was a guy from another religion. She had that compulsion not to marry a man different to her religion. I was aghast. “Does really religion matter?”. I wondered why for many minutes but what I could do. Her family thought it as a sin to marry another guy not alike her.
She was bounded. Nothing else she could do, just to be the puppet of her family. She couldn’t revolt since she was a responsible daughter of her family. Her desires and wants were just mare towards her family responsibility. What her family anticipated, she couldn’t go betraying them and I also dared not to force her. After all she was bound to abandon me though she liked me. I was stroke as if a mighty tornado caught me and rampaged me with no mercy at all. I finished her letter and was finished too. Since then she vanished leaving me half dead. I could do nothing, nothing just to walk on the same lane where I used to wander.
I was aghast when I saw her today after so long. She was also in the same town where I have been and now I came to believe this world is too big. She also couldn’t believe her eyes. We couldn’t exchange a word though we encountered face to face. She was trying to say something; her eyes seemed to be guilty. She frantically said “hi”, how you been?’, and my throat soared. My heart rendered. I couldn’t even reply back. We paused. After a while I got some guts and had small conversation.
“I haven’t seen you so long. Where have you been? What are you doing?” my questions came in rush like a horse without rein. She just replied patiently-“fine and you?” she didn’t answer my all question. A minute talking meant a lot to me that time. Now I realize this is the life and everyone has to walk with it. Sometime time is ours and many times it is not.
We raised our hands to greet our bye. Now I couldn’t ask for a date and she couldn’t reply me okay.
subhash thapa magar