I hated my sister. She had always a diplomatic and manipulative mouth for what I do and what I choose. She always intervened in my personal interest and choice. When with T.V, it used to be like a battle for the shows. If I thought she is enjoying the show, intentionally I changed the channel and so did she. I never liked to go school with her together but was my compulsion. (When I grew up, I caught my friend’s troop to go with). My parents used to give money for our Tiffin. My sister used to carry the money because I wasn’t worthy enough in comparison and she was eldest too. She used to buy me food what mother said to eat, that really used to irritate me.
One day I asked my mother for my part of money. Surprisingly she gave that day. I was happy that I could now buy food by my own. We had separate money that day. I felt I was independent now. I grinded my teeth as a victory sign. In school, I was just waiting for break, showed money to my friends because that was a matter of prestige in childhood. I was really pompous that day.
When sir left the class, I was the first to line up in the canteen. I ordered my favorite samosas. My hand sneaked into my pocket but it was empty. I was paralyzed. I ran into my classroom and searched the whole class but was empty handed. I felt like crying. That cry neither was for any demand to parent nor to win over sister. It had a different taste and pain. Now I was frantically crying. I had no money left to buy food and that made me much hungrier. Somebody reported to my sister and she appeared in my class in no mean time. I told her everything and she quietly gave her money to me. I was tremendously hungry. I wiped my tears and ran to canteen. Finally I ate my samosas.
In that panic circumstance and a strong hunger drive, I forgot my sister about what she would eat because I used her money. I had completely forgotten that she gave her part of money. My freak childish mind. When we came back to home, my poor sister ran hurriedly inside. I became really suspicious that she would tell to mom. But instead she cried: “Mum, what’s there to eat? I’m bit hungrier today”.
And I felt really guilty that day for what I used to think about my sister
subhash thapa magar.