have been waiting for Pramila five long years
since I went to the US to marry her and live a happy
life with her. I am unsure if she is waiting for me too. Since I flew to the US with a
wealth of promises and challenges, she has been out of touch. I wonder why she
stopped getting in touch. It always beats me. I'm very anxious and excited. I'm
looking for her.
"Kati padandaas bhaeko ho ni!" (What a bookworm
you are!). Must I take tuition classes from you?" These were the first
mocking words she spoke to me. It was my first day in school and was the first
time I saw her. Indeed, I've to say it was love at first sight. I could never
ever recollect having seen such a beautiful face before. She appeared to be
more beautiful than any Miss World or Universe. For the first time I felt what
love is, my heart pounced beyond my control. I was the new face to the whole
class eight and the school, but for me, her enthralling face stuck permanently
in my mind, the face that really had the magical and spellbinding power to
marvel me, the face that came into my mind as a vision, a preoccupation. I
didn't know how she became my shadow, entered secretly into my consciousness and
started following permanently.
Fortunately, she was one close friend of my next-door
friend. And for that reason she grew little closer to me than with the rest.
"O! Dear I should keep up my patience, pluck up courage and need to look
perfect in every inch of me.Soon I'm going to pay a visit to her home with the
marriage proposal. May God help me, my legs are shivering, and I'm feeling
nervous. My heart is palpitating.”
On account of her presence, my school time seemed to be
more enjoyable and hilarious than ever before. It was out of question for me to
pass the weekends and vacations. I often despised holidays which a few months
before were something I used to long for. Whilst I was home, one minute without
seeing her seemed no less than a decade. Sprouting leaves on trees were welcoming
spring, chill morning mist, were waving goodbye, every thing was changing and
the changes were unexpected. I, myself, was bewildered, amazed as if it was
taking place in my real life or was daydreaming. A fun-making, poor fellow who
once used to dispute in regard to love affairs, marriage proposals has
metamorphosised into a forlorn dude. All the changes marveled me, for they were
beyond my expectations.
It is 3pm in the afternoon and it has been half an hour
since the garage staff started servicing my car. "A Black suit--perfect,
expensive, hairstyle--a bit spiky, the latest mobile in the pocket, some US
dollars and a Green Card in the wallet--made in USA. I think my neighbours and childhood
friends will be jealous of my life or career. I'm really elated to be among
them. It takes only an hour’s walk distance to reach my home from here.
I found her the prettiest being in the universe.
Perhaps God worked hard to create each and every aspect of her. Frankly
speaking, at first sight, I wished to make her my life partner. A number of
times I endeavoured to speak my mind but it was merely a vain attempt as I went
dumb and became cowardly. In fact, her habit of being among friends never gave
any chances to read her mind and talk in solitude. Moreover, I was not handsome
and well-off,so at times I abused my creator, God. This is what made me repress
my feelings instead of sharing with her, albeit my friends insisted that I
propose to her. But now I have a
thought that everyone finds their own key to unlock life’s secrets and discover
I befriended her neighbourhood age mates with the
intention of collecting information as to her. She was pretty, intelligent,
caring, smart, cool, a bit introvert and if I portray her as anything more, you
would think I'm blowing my girlfriend's trumpet. Her glowing and charming face,
with majestic beauty, soft and sweet voice, could, if she had tried, have
allured any boy. But she never showed interest in any other boy besides me.
I can still vividly remember it was morning; it was
drizzling in spite of the wedding season. There was a wedding of relative one;
all of my family members were engaged. My most loveable person, my mother asked
me to accompany the bridegroom. I was upset. I had already got accustomed to
seeing my beloved’s face. I was, really, in a dilemma as to whether to follow
my mother's instruction or see her as usual. I weighed my mother's parental affection
and my future life partner on scales. I could not decide. I was unable to
resist her image in my mind. Anyway, I got a chance to go to school under false
pretence. I convinced my mother that I needed to present in school. For her
sake, I lied to my mother for the first time. I had dedicated my life to my
I used to come first in each exam, so her friends
always sang my praises in her presence. It obviously might have made her turn
her mind to me and developed a positive attitude towards me. I always think of
impressing and attracting girls by virtue of inward beauties like skills,
honesty, talents, etiquettes and so on as I am not a good looking young man. I
was constantly improving; I came first again in the second terminal exams. In
the same year I was awarded a trophy for being the best footballer of the
school. Now, everything was on the right track and it came as no surprise for
me that she noticed those positive changes in me. It is said that love is so
powerful that can bring drastic changes in someone's life that was true of me.
Thanks for changing my mode of life.
Luxurious gadgets like cell phones, i-pods were not as
common on those days as they are at present. There was no means of
communication between us aside from hand written letters. We didn't have access
to Yahoo! G-mail or Facebook chats. School was the only place where we could
sit together and get connected as a dating spot.
"My car is serviced. Now, I'm heading home. Mom is
waiting to welcome me. I want to wipe my memories. Maybe she has already got
married instead of waiting for me. No, I cannot imagine a life without her—my
life will be incomplete. O! God, I try but can't. She appears wherever I let my
eyes wander. Her image is haunting me. Why? Am I going crazy? My car is
speeding up. I am uncontrolled as if I am drunk. It is not the rainy season;
nevertheless, it is drizzling incessantly. Shit! These windshield wipers are
not working. Driving such car may put my life in peril. I should slow down my
car otherwise it may crash into something. Oh, it's already 4 pm. School time
is over. A few schoolchildren are walking ahead. I am honking horn. A lot has
changed in Nepal
over a half decade but the traffic management and road condition is almost
same. Where is development plan heading to? Hey, hey...Damn it my car nearly
knocked a schoolgirl down. "Don't you have eyes?" shouted a
pedestrian. In a while a furious crowd gathered. I was puzzled. I stopped my
car because an idea of fleeing didn’t strike me. Due to fear, the girl fainted.
Now she is in a hospital. She is regaining conscious slowly. Night is falling.
My mom is waiting.
"Naanu, are you okay?"
"A little bit! Where am I right now? Where is my
mummy?" she asked.
"Where is your mom?"
"She is home."
"Do you remember her mobile no?"
"No, uncle but my school identification card has
I took the card and I was shocked as I spotted her
mother's name, Pramila. "What a coincidence! Who I was thinking of is also
Pramila. My sweetheart!
I dialed her number **********
There was problem in the network. It's Nepal. Damn! I
tried again. "Sorry, your phone could not connect because of the network
I tried twice. "Yes, her phone is ringing."
"Hullo, Pramila speaking."
I was dumbfounded. I was speechless.
"Hello, hello, who is it? May I know you, please?
Hello, why don't you respond to me? Is there anything wrong? Do you hear me?
I didn't dare to speak to her. She was no other than my Pramila. "Oh! God! How merciless you
are! I wanna die, I am gonna hell! Kill me. I don't want to survive, never."
I am really unlucky. I loved someone heartily, earned a degree and made
money in the U.S.
yet I lost her. Why did God separate us though I loved her truly? Maybe her
love was only dramatic. I dedicated and sacrificed my life to her. Is this what
I had expected from her? I want to know why she put an abrupt end to our
blooming relationship. But what is the point of knowing the reason why she left
me as that doesn't have to concern present.
I can't live without her for a moment….I can't….It is
* This is an
overnight work. This fiction has been written in dedication to my best friend,
colleague Subhash Thapa Magar who always inspires and boosts me to put my
feelings into words. I always express my gratitude to him. The fiction written
above is partly a true story and carries some resemblances to my personal
experience. In case it bears resemblances to someone else's real experience, it
will only be a coincidence!